This blog is coming out. It’s a big debutante ball of a reveal because I have the power to sways ones of people. I’m voting for Barack Obama.
Not because of his fresh attitude towards government. Not because of his attempt to put the power of America back into the hands of Americans. Not because of his promise to bring affordable health care to all. Not because of his ability to surround himself with knowledgeable people. Not even because he’s a cool cucumber with the ability to remain calm in the heat of the stressful and troublesome problems going on around him and the country which in my mind should be the strongest ability in any candidate for the highest office in this land.
No, I’m voting for Barack Obama because he’s hot!
Too long has Barack Obama’s campaign ignored this. Now is the perfect time to get all moist over a Presidential candidate. Some will call me sexist, but like Bananarama exploiting men in their videos, I say it’s time we stood up against the Palin supporters with our own excuse-me-I-need-to-change-my-panties target of blatant sexual energies.
Oh, sure, Palin looks like Tina Fey and Fey is indeed hot… for a girl. However, my candidate is like a cross between George Clooney and Will Smith all wrapped up in a shear, gauzy veneer of hotness. Talk about transparency in government. Plus he’s sexier than Palin coz he’s got smarts.
And that’s why I’m voting Obama in ’08. Now it’s your turn to debut your secret macking on the Democratic Presidential nominee. When your Republican friends are complaining about his raising taxes on the rich, respond with “But he’s hot!”*. Or when they are bitching about his supposed socialist slant on government, strike to the heart of the matter and argue, “But he’s hot!”. And don’t let up. You must get your point across with annoying repetition. I’m sure they will appreciate your unwavering devotion to Obama’s best endowment: his eye-candy factor.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit down with a glass of wine and some fat-free cookies** while surrounded by candles and watch Barack’s nomination acceptance speech again. Alone…
*joke interpolated from Monkey Larry
**joke openly stolen from Monkey Mateo