is doing dishes.

Ahhh, Facebook, Twitter, etc. What fun! AMENDMENT: What fun could be had! Here you have a way in 140 characters or less to be a little creative. Yet there are some who use it merely for the stage directions that aren’t to be read aloud during the play of their lives.  Here are some tips for juicing up your mundane status updates:

  • “Is” is not the only verb out there. There is “has”, “was”, “did” and even “floccinaucinihilipilificates”. Grab that thesaurus and squeeze the life out of it.
  • You were not born into royalty, but now you finally have a socially acceptable way to talk about yourself in the third person plural. C’mon! Work that crown, girl!
  • Put a spin on your ordinary personality. If your ‘friends’ think you are innocent say something like: “…is giddy as a schoolgirl! No, the ‘she just got stoned with the bad boys for the first time and knows what’s next’ kind of giddy.”
  • Everyone likes drama and to see others suffer just like in reality shows. Set up a week of problems that end on Friday with your husband walking out on you. Then watch the empathy roll in while you laugh in everyone’s Facebook.
  • After building yourself up as an animal lover, one day just say, “Turns out Princess did go well with a Merlot. Thanks, Dad!”
  • Use it like a bathroom wall to get some. “Truckers call xxx-xxx-xxxx for some relief. Good with hands.”
  • And if nothing else, take the current song you are listening to and apply it to your life: “just found out they only hit you until you cry. After that you don’t ask why.”

There are a myriad of things to write from complete nonsense to spelled-out sound effects to real-time updates of your current sex act. It’s enough to put your mother in a coma of disbelief. You only have to use your imagination.

Listening to: “Plenty” – Sarah MaLachlan
Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (Legacy Edition) [Audio Version] - Plenty

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