Mountain Dew is notorious for trying to get us to enjoy some flavor other than the horse piss original. Some have been good; some have made teeth ache. Most are just rehashes of former flavors. For example the ‘new’ Typhoon is basically the Horde Game Fuel flavor. Or, hell, why even bother changing the flavor? Just change the color.
Introducing Mountain Dew: Voltage. Oops, that’s Mountain Dew: White Out which is just Voltage with the raspberry siphoned out with the blue coloring. It’s merely their citrus flavor repacked from vats that have had to be sitting around for a decade now which might explain the chalky color.
Personally, I’m thinking that White Out is the wrong name for such an awesome idea that is this creamy white drink of elephant-gift commercialism. Let’s look at their advertising demographic. Guys. Guys who are extreme. Guys who grunt, spit and blow snot. Guys who do dangerous things like chance wearing a headphone/microphone set that’s hooked to their computer near several open bottles of Mountain Dew while playing WoW. Extreme!
Guys, man. Guys who like doing guy things with their bros.
So with that in mind may I ask the good people at PepsiCo to consider a name change. Since White Out is a smooth, whitish liquid made for guys who need an injection of sugar and caffeine to do their manly things which were dared by their extreme buds, may I suggest:
Mountain Dew: Brotein
You’re welcome. No need for payment. Just doing my part for the satisfaction of bros everywhere.