Sex Education: Videotique-Style

This August will be my 13th anniversary with Videotique and through the years many, many things have happened — good, bad and downright hilarious. Case in point, Tuesday night when I had a visit from some of my favorite customers after their day of lounging by the pool. Erika is a loud, semi-party girl who loves to laugh and enjoys life. I’ve watched her daughter, Sixx, grow from an infant to the bright 8-year-old she is today. Too bright at times. She has that curiosity that got me unexpected laughs from adults when I was a kid.

I went around the counter to give Sixx and Erika a hug and to meet Sixx’s friend Andy. Sixx — as she always does — ran behind the counter to see all the videos, computers and files. Erika doesn’t like it when she does that, but I pacified her anxiety and we continued our discussion of their day. Sixx then popped up from the shelves she’s inspecting to scream, “What are these?”

With the excitement of an archeologist at Stonehedge, she is branishing two condom packets that are still hooked together. Erika and I exploded with laughter.

Me: You don’t expect me to explain this, do you?

Erika: Go ahead. She found them in your shop.

Me: Uhhh, you see adults use them when they, uhhhh, you know when they’re old enough to, uhhh…

Erika: Sweetie, they help prevent people from getting pregnant and getting diseases that you could die from.

Sixx: You can’t die from diseases.

Me: Oh, yes, you can. Not all, but some can kill you.

Sixx thinks this over while Erika and I try to think of some way to get out of this. C’mon, she’s only 8.

Sixx: Do you eat them?

People outside started to look in to see what the hell was so damn funny. At this point Andy became curious as to what we’re discussing and stood next to Sixx: two sponges wanting to know about the secret world of adults.

Me: No, you put them on… [looking at Erika] You can’t be serious. We’re not about to tell them how to use them.

Erika: You go right ahead.

Me: [to Sixx] You know that gets a little personal. You’ll find out soon enough. Like when you’re 18 or older because then it will be legal.

Erika rolls her eyes.

I keep a stock of snacks at the store because this, thankfully, is when Sixx notices the Keebler Fudge-Stripe cookies behind the typewriter. (Yes, a typewriter.) They each grabbed a cookie after intense negotiations to obtain two cookies each failed and then they took off to get dinner. I love those tree-dwelling elves for an entirely different reason now.

Had they been my kids I would have gone ahead and explained things very clinically to them. Hell, if it had just been Sixx I would have since I hate insulting kids’ intelligence. But with Andy there who knows what his parents have told him, so I’m glad they are still more interested in sugar than a square package with a rubbery ring tucked inside.

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